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The Pooptracker 8000

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The Pooptracker 8000 is a new app that Lordkat is working on and has already sent a request to Kickstarter to get help getting it of the ground. The co-founder of this great app is Nash; he is questioning the sanity of the app but he thinks it is a great idea. The two founders are hard at work with a giant list of achievements coming along and looking for the right font and logo for it. they are thinking about multiplayer options and community achievements. The efficiency tracker is now confirmed for later development, an employer can monitor and schedule his employees bowel movements to reach maximum efficiency. Mothers could also use it to potty train their children, also the elderly can remember to go to the bathroom. There is some consideration for adding a free copy of the flash game Don't Shit Your Pants. It will also tell fun and usefull facts about poop. The main function will still be to tell you when to poop and what kind of poop it most likely will be but there are many additional functions that users can enjoy. People can use the tracker to keep an eye on their life partners for example if they poop in another person's house and how long they are there. For the voice of the app LordKaT and Nash are considering using Chris 'Rollo_T' Larios. There is an option to take a picture of your poop (though it needs a wide-angle lens) to see if it is healthy or not, furthermore if you buy the attachement for the toilet you can even weigh your poops. It is compatible with the Wii Fit so you can see how much weight you lose when pooping and how much you need to poop to get to your desired weight. You can take a picture of your poop and then play a game that is similar to Audiosurf and Super Meat Boy mixed together only with poop. There will be merchandise for the pooptracker I.E. t-shirts and plushies. LordKaT is trying to get it patented and is trying to work Nash out of the project. The 100 achievements mark has been passed already. Not much more is known about the app for now.

Originally written and edited by DNAmaze


The Idea

Part 1

Part 2

Potential Achievements

(Please add your own suggestions but don't delete any, no matter how stupid)

  1. Movement - Convince 100 people to buy the Pooptracker.
  2. The Event - 1,000,000 Pooptrackers bought!
  3. Pipe Dreams - Poop at your house 500 times.
  4. The Grand Poopbah - Poop 8000 times.
  5. Poopcathlon - Shit 10 different kinds of poop in 2 hours.
  6. Remembrance Day - Poop on the 11th minute of the 11th hour on the 11th day of the 11th month.
  7. Poop Trickster - Poop on someone's front door.
  8. Gurren Log'nn - Shit on a drill.
  9. Montezuma's Revenge - Shit in a Taco Bell bathroom after eating a meal there.
  10. Fresh Produce - Poop at a grocery store.
  11. Bad Gas, a.k.a. Fill'er Up - Poop at a gas station.
  12. Shit Happens - Take a shit in a Port-a-Potty.
  13. Log Drop - Poop in a lumbermill.
  14. Logging Company - Shit in the woods with friends.
  15. Left Your Mark - Poop on the summit of a mountain.
  16. Poo From The Heavens - Get a 'time to poop' alert at an elevation of over 10,000 feet sea level.
  17. Call Of Nature - Poop at a national park.
  18. The Biggest Latrine - Poop at the Grand Canyon.
  19. Finally Home - Poop in Montana.
  20. Mississippi Mud - Poop in the Mississippi River.
  21. One Piece - Poop on an island.
  22. Splashdown - Poop at a waterpark.
  23. Poopiness - Poop on the set of the Colbert Report.
  24. USS Browning - Shit off the side of an aircraft carrier.
  25. Holy Crap - Poop at a church.
  26. Poophoria - Poop at a Buddhist temple.
  27. Poosover - Poop at a synagogue.
  28. Instant Damnation - Poop at a mosque.
  29. Hallowed Be Thy Poops - Poop at a site considered holy by a major religion.
  30. Holy Triumvirate - Poop, pee and vomit all over a church, synagogue or mosque.
  31. That's Not A Stall - Poop in a church confessional.
  32. Where No Poop Has Gone Before - Poop in a spaceship.
  33. I'm Too Old For This Shit - Poop in an old folks' home.
  34. I'm Too Old For This Shit 2.0 - Shit in Danny Glover's house.
  35. Emergency Stop - Get a 'Time to Poop' alert as you're driving on a freeway.
  36. This Bowl Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us - Flush a floater that is not yours.
  37. My Cup Runneth Over - Overfill a stool sample cup.
  38. Pooptracker 8000: The Runs - Have diarrhea while being shot at by a helicopter.
  39. WTFIWWS - Shit while listening to Radio Dead Air.
  40. Schrödinger's Poop - Poop in a box. Close the lid. Debate its existence.
  41. The Theologist - Cut a hollow out of a hotel bible, poop in it, and leave it for the next person.
  42. We Got A Floater Here! - Take a shit in a river while a CSI team is investigating a murder.
  43. The Tasty Freeze - Shit a poop in the shape of a ice cream swirl.
  44. BSOD - Poop so hard that you pass out from it.
  45. Does A Bear Poop In The Woods? - Successfully track a bear's poop.
  46. Terminal Velocity - Shit out of a plane, jump out the plane, and reach the ground before your poop.
  47. GesundScheiße - Sneeze so hard you poop in your pants.
  48. Bowl Master - Fill the toilet with poop.
  49. Big Brother - Poop while a government agency monitors you.
  50. Blood For The Poop God! - Burst a blood vessel while pooping.
  51. ...One Giant Leap For Mankind - Poop so hard you achieve liftoff.
  52. One Does Not Simply Walk Into Mordor - Walk into the opposite sex's bathroom and poop.
  53. Lose Your Shit - Crap in your pants on purpose.
  54. Firstborn Of Poop - Smear yourself in poop.
  55. The Biggest Loser - Take a dump so huge you lose a pound.
  56. Poop O' The Irish - Take a green poop on St. Patrick's day.
  57. You're A Natural - Poop before the tracker tells you to.
  58. Scared Shitless - Poop your pants during a scary movie.
  59. It's A Boy! - Shit a poop the weight of newborn baby.
  60. The Brooklyn Steamer - Poop so smelly that there are fumes.
  61. Slip N' Slide - Take a poop that doesn't require you to wipe.
  62. The Mexican Carwash - *Secret Achieve*
  63. LOST - Shit a sentient poop cloud.
  64. False Alarm - Attempt to take a shit but only fart.
  65. Clean Drop - Complete a shit in 10 seconds or less.
  66. This Is No Zaku Boy No Zaku - Shit a blue poop after shitting a green poop.
  67. The Golden Throne - Sit immobile on the toilet for 10,000 years taking a poop.
  68. Boatmurdered - Poop a elephant sized poop on a dwarf.
  69. The Tank Buster - Rupture your septic tank.
  70. The Les Miserables - Break into someone's house and use their toilet after stealing a loaf of bread.
  71. Shut Up And Poop Gaiden - Play Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden while taking a shit.
  72. Poopception - Make your shit take a shit.
  73. Spider-poop - Poop clings to your butt hair for at least 15 seconds.
  74. The Poop Loop - Shit in such a way, it ties itself in a knot.
  75. Indie Poop of the week- Get your poop recognized on Indie Game of the Week.
  76. The Shit Hits The Fan - Take a dump on any AC unit.
  77. "WILSON!" - Get stranded out in the ocean, on a raft, and makes friends with a poop.
  78. Left 4 Rage - Shit yourself in pure rage while playing Left 4 Dead 2.
  79. Who Does Number 2 Work For?- Poop and pee at the same time.
  80. Why Can't I Hold All Of These Poops? - Shit on a lime.
  81. Coffin Apples - Shit on a vampire while he eats an apple.
  82. All Pooped Out - Fall asleep on the toilet.
  83. Poop Accuracy Fairy - Miss the bowl with your first poop, then try again.
  84. The Fazeek - Hold an insane conversation with your poop.
  85. PoopinKaizer - Create a super robot out of poop.
  86. The Ray Lewis- Poop in the house of the person you just murdered.
  87. Payback's A Bitch - Climb into a tree and poop on a pidgeon.
  88. Determination - Poop while masturbating and finish.
  89. By Jove, You've Done It! - Publish and sell the most vile perversion of modern technology for more than twice what it cost to make.
  90. The Trooper - Poop while charging at Russians on a horse.
  91. What In The Shit? - Take a poop with corn in it without remembering when you last ate corn.
  92. I Heard That, Curtis - Have your boss hear you shitting from his office.
  93. JoJo's Bizzare Poop - Get a Stand while pooping.
  94. Oh Say, Can You Shit - Shit while singing the Star Spangled Banner, The Pledge of Allegiance, or your home country's national anthem.
  95. The Standing O - Shit on stage in front of at least 300 people.
  96. The Long Haul - Take a shit in a car while traveling cross country.
  97. The King In Poop - Wear no mask (no mask!) while taking a poop.
  98. Ghost Turd - A poop that leaves no residue when you wipe.
  99. The TURD-is - Take a poop while traveling through time and space.
  100. A Shot In The Dark - Poop while blindfolded.
  101. What Does This Mean? - Get an erection while pooping.
  102. POOPTOMS - Shit in an armored trooper.
  103. Got To Catch 'Em All - Collect every kind of poop.
  104. Pooper Robot Wars - Poop on 50 or more giant robots.
  105. Now, I Am Become Poop, The Destroyer Of Worlds - Poop with the force of an atom bomb.
  106. P00P - Poop while becoming a secret agent.
  107. PSP - Pee, Shit, and Puke at the same time.
  108. DS - Take 2 sequential shits.
  109. I Just Took A Dump Today - Have a vivid, insane dream about an old man taking a shit.
  110. Poop Fortress - Make a colony out of poop.
  111. Where Did That Come From? - Poop while sleeping.
  112. Seig Zeon! - Poop out a shit the size of a space colony.
  113. The Shitting - Use psychic powers to make someone shit themselves.
  114. AVGN - Poop on a shitty game.
  115. Youtube Poop - Post your poop on youtube.
  116. Upper Decker - Take a shit in the toilet's water tank.
  117. The Felbrigg Special - Get eaten by a pig and turned into pig poop!
  118. The Silent Dropper - Take a shit during a 5 min period of awkward silence.
  119. The LordKat - Poop for over 20 minuets.
  120. The Kinect - Poop on a Microsoft Kinect.
  121. I'll Have What He's Having - You or someone on your friends list unlock the same achievement within 15 seconds of one another
  122. Bomar Poop Good - Take a poop that succeeds in no achievements.
  123. The Chosen Log - Drop a turd so huge it forms a cult of worship.
  124. I Dreamed A Dream - Poop after being fired from your job.
  125. Dirt Road - poop out the window of a moving vehicle.
  126. Super Poop - When constipated scream until your hair turns blond and spiky.
  127. Heavy Poop - Poop while cutting/sawing your pinkie off.
  128. Now You're Thinking With Poop - Poop while going in between portals.
  129. When Life Gives You Lemons - When you poop have your engineers invent combustible poop that will burn your house down.
  130. Shitstorm - Poop in the middle of a thunderstorm.
  131. Shit Getter Robo - Evolve your shit.
  132. CowPieGar - Poop on a giant robotic lion.
  133. O Crap - Poop in the middle of a ring.
  134. The Hat Shit - Take a poop that earns 3 achievements at once.
  135. Poop Good - Bake poop bread and burn down a ship.
  136. Live Free or Poop Hard - Blow up poop using hacking.
  137. Home Of Rock N' Roll - Successfully perform a Cleveland Steamer.
  138. Hot Pocket - shit inside a fold-out couch and then re-close it, leaving it for an unsuspecting guest.
  139. Physical Graffiti - Splatter a wall with feces.
  140. S.W.A. - Take a shit in Compton, CA.
  141. Snow Day Switcharoo - Write your name in the snow.
  142. The Zappa - Take a shit on stage and then eat it.
  143. Soulmates - Find someone that has the same poop schedule as you.
  144. Musical Poo - Poo while playing a musical instrument.
  145. Dy-nasty Warrior - Shit while fighting in a war.
  146. S.C.A.T 4 - Take a shit on 4 SWAT officers.
  147. You're In My Spot, Sir! - Take a shit on someone else while they're sitting on the toilet.
  148. You're Standing In My Poop, Sir - Step in somebody else's poop.
  149. Chaos Dunk - When your shit falls into the toilet, it causes your city/town/area to be leveled into a cyber-pocalypse
  150. KKKrap - Take only bright colored poops for a month.
  151. Don't Give A Shit - Didn't poop today.
  152. No Shit, Sherlock - You felt like you had to poop, but nothing came out.
  153. Doodies - Change baby/old people diapers 5 times in one day.
  154. Street Shit - Step in poo on the sidewalk/public areas 3 times in one day.
  155. All Pooped Out - Obtain all achievements.
  156. Don't Shit Your Pants - You made it to the toilet in time.
  157. Shit Your Pants - You didn't make it to the toilet in time.
  158. Shit the Rainbow. Taste the Rainbow. - Shit Skittles.
  159. Shit The Fuck? - Take a shit that makes you question what you ate recently.
  160. In A Row? - Shit 37 times.
  161. Doctor Poo - Get into a police box with a woman and take a poop in front of her.
  162. Toilet Humor - Make someone shit themself while laughing at a joke you made.
  163. Fire In The Poop Hole - Take an extra spicy poop.
  164. Touching Cloth? - Take a poop without removing your underwear.
  165. Poopcathlon - Poop for a combined total of 12 hours.
  166. Just Me And My Porcelain Throne - Poop for a combined total of 24 hours.
  167. When You See It... - Shit bricks.
  168. Pool's Closed - Clear out a public swimming pool with a single poop.
  169. Return Fire! - Throw poop back at an angry monkey/ape.
  170. Stone Cold - Shit your pants but finish whatever you are doing before cleaning up.
  171. Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace! - Poop while floating in space.
  172. Penn And Teller - Take a dump, but have it disappear in the toilet.
  173. Poopcaso - Make a poop that looks abstract art.
  174. Lincoln Logs - Build a cabin out of your own poop.
  175. Primordial Ooze - Take a crap so raw it produces life.
  176. Tween Wave - Poop while playing music.
  177. I Just Had Lunch Today! - Poop at noon.
  178. You Rolled A 1 - Shit your pants while playing Dungeons & Dragons.
  179. Tracked Poop - Step in poop and leave tracks in your house.
  180. Shit Storm - Poop in an airplane stall while experiencing a large amount of turbulence.
  181. Fudgesicle - Freeze your poop.
  182. Another Log For The Fire - Poop in a fireplace.
  183. Poop Gear - Poop in a European sports/super car traveling at its maximum velocity.
  184. Duke Nukem - Grab a poop from the toilet and throw it at the wall.
  185. One Big Pile Of Shit - Poop as much as a sick Triceratops.
  186. Must Poop Faster... - Poop while fleeing from a dinosaur.
  187. The Lebron - Poop yourself on national television.
  188. Dump Truck - Poop in your car, then drop it off at a friend's house.
  189. Load Off My Back - Shit yourself in relief.
  190. GONEorrhea - Have your first successful bowel movement in a month and screw a hooker to celebrate.
  191. What A Load - Tell a poop related story that no one believes.
  192. It's Just a Model - Poop in a non-working display toilet at a home improvement store.
  193. Even Coverage - Paint the walls of a room with your poop.
  194. What Can Brown Do For You? - Mail your poop via UPS.
  195. They All Float Down Here, a.k.a. Cutting Out The Middle Man - Take a poop in a sewer drain.
  196. Why? - Buy this app.

Notes about achievements

  1. The Bomar Poop Good achievement would void its own requirements. Note: Heh heh..."void".
  2. Shouldn't 178 be "You rolled a 2"? Note: Actually, no; it could mean you crit-failed your "Bowel Control" roll.

Proposals for App Store

(Please add your own suggestions but don't delete any, no matter how stupid)

  1. Poop ad for IPhone, Track your poops your dogs poops And Achievements, Tells you when you need to poop" - ZraX
  2. Poop Motivator add-on, Gives you motivational speeches to allow a more easier experience while sitting on the toilet. - D20
  3. Theme song, A parody of "You Can't Hurry Love" by The Supremes called "You Can't Hurry Shit" sung in a barbershop quartet (LordKat, Rollo T, YRoT, and Arclight) - tmanofctown
  4. poop ticker: gives you random facts about poop. - JasonVigo
  5. Celebrity guests telling you when it's time to poop, available for micro transaction payments. For example, Sheamus: "IT'S TOIME FER YER POOP, FELLA!"
  6. Theme song #2: "Scatman" by Scatman John. - Added by AradoBalanga, suggested by others in the chat.
  7. Paper counter, The paper counter optimizes the use of tissue by telling you exactly how many pieces are requiered to wipe your ass. - D20
  8. The Face-Poop Updater: Sends a Facebook update every time you take a poop. - thescottishgamer
  9. Generic poop alerts that sound to different rhythms. There could be a pseudo hip-hop themed Poop Alert: "It's time to poop! It's time to poop! C'mon everybody, it's time to poop!" - JadeEyes1

Proposals For "It's Time To Poop!" Voices

  1. Alan from Conquest of the Longbow
  2. Alan Rickman
  3. Alvin the Chipmunk
  4. Arnold Schwarzenegger
  5. Barack Obama
  6. Benjamin Daniels
  7. Bill O'Reilly
  8. Charlie Sheen
  9. Christian Bale
  10. Christopher Lee
  11. Christopher Lloyd
  12. Christopher Walken
  13. Clint Eastwood
  14. Dalek
  15. Darth Vader
  16. Doug Walker
  17. Ellen McLain
  18. Eli DeLucci
  19. Eric Cartman
  20. Fred Figglehorn
  21. Hatsune Miku
  22. Hulk Hogan
  23. Gary Busey
  24. Gilbert Gottfried
  25. Gordon Ramsey
  26. Gumby (Monty Python)
  27. James Earl Jones
  28. Jennifer Hale
  29. Jeremy Clarkson
  30. Jerry Seinfeld
  31. J.K. Simmons
  32. John Madden
  33. John Wayne
  34. Jon St. John
  35. Kool-Aid Man
  36. Luggage
  37. Macho Man Randy Savage
  38. Mage Firenipple
  39. Mahoney
  40. Megatron
  41. Mel Gibson
  42. Microsoft Sam
  43. Morgan Freeman
  44. Nicolas Cage
  45. Noah Antwiler
  46. Patrick Stewart
  47. Patrick Warburton
  48. Professor Farnsworth
  49. Rhett Bomar
  50. Richard Hammond
  51. Rush Limbaugh
  52. Samuel L. Jackson
  53. Sean Connery
  54. The Rock
  55. The Ultimate Warrior
  56. Tim Curry
  57. Tommy Wiseau
  58. Weird Al Yankovic
  59. Yoda


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