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If a programming language was a boat…

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Based on

This one is inspired by a forums: Turing Boat recent forum post, that still leaves me in amazement.

Hi, Im wondering how i can create a boat in turing and if someone can post a example.

This makes no sense, since one doesn't normally make water vehicles in download turing 4.1.1 Turing, the programming language. Though this got me thinking -- if a programming language was a boat, what would it be?


Boat classes is a hydrofoil. Its fun to drive if you consider going in a straight line fun. As you can see the programmer captain is so bored he is chilling out looking at the opposite direction. programming language as a hydrofoil
Original photo by ???


Assembly is an aircraft carrier. It is certainly not fun to drive but it can sink all other programming languages boats in 8 bits or less. The individual bits aircraft do not offer noteworthy results but collectively dominate the seven seas.
Assembly programming language as an aircraft carrier
Original photo by US Navy


C/C++ is a nuclear submarine. The instructions are probably in a foreign language, but all of the hardware itself is optimized for performance.
C/C++ programming language as a nuclear submarine
Original photo by Flickr: AUSTRALIAN_SUBMARINE_01 Ryan C. McGinley


C# is a SWATH. While feeling enterprise~y, it remains fun to drive.
C/C++ programming language as a nuclear submarine
Original photo by Commons: Neue Planet von vorn Korrigan


Java is a cargo ship. It's very bulky. It's very enterprise~y. Though it can also carry a lot of weight. Will carry a project, but not very fun to drive.
Java programming language as a cargo ship
Original photo by Flickr: Cargo Ship, Port of Oakland cfarivar


Labview is a landing craft. It's very specific and doesn't handle like others but makes operations much easier and can allow techniques that can't be preformed with other vessels alone (such as getting a computer to count 5000 lines of light for you).
Labview as a landing craft
Original photo by Photographer’s Mate Airman Marvin E. Thompson Jr of the U.S. Navy.


MATLAB is a hovercraft. It indeed has a strange design but it gets the job done, even on places you'd not expect a boat.
MATLAB programming language as a hovercraft
Original photo by US Navy of a South Korean hovercraft

mIRC Script

mIRC Script is a jetski. It is certainly fun to drive but you can't really do much with it aside from that.
mIRC Script programming language as a jetski
Original photo by ???


Pascal is an inflatable boat shuttle. The effort it takes to get it to go anywhere... It is fun to drive for a short while but soon after you wish for something that requires a lot less effort.
Pascal programming language as an inflatable boat shuttle
Original photo by ???


Perl is a tugboat. Powerful enough to tug Java around, in 80 characters or less.
Perl programming language as a tugboat
Original photo by Flickr: Tug boat races xeeliz


PHP is a bamboo raft. A series of hacks held together by string. Still keeps afloat though.
PHP programming language as a raft
Original photo by Flickr: a final good bye to our bamboo raft. permanently scatterbrained


Python is a cruise ship. It is luxurious with the resources it provides you but it still is not fun to drive.
Pyhton programming language as a cruise ship
Original photo by Commons: Independence of the Seas passing Calshot Spit light


Ruby is difficult to describe. It's sleek, sexy, and very fun to drive. Here's a picture. Very trendy.
Ruby programming language as a speed boat
Original photo by Flickr: Speedster WAKE Tony Falcon


Turing would definitely be a kayak. It's small. It's human powered. It's often used as a beginner "boat". And it's also very Canadian.
Turing programming language as a canoe
Original photo by Flickr: Kayaks naokomc


OpenGL would be a sailboard; exotic and fun to drive, but getting the task done requires significant effort.
OpenGL programming language as a sailboard
Original photo by Flickr: Windsurfing

Non-floating boat classes

Visual Basic

Visual Basic is a Big Fazeek class. The language is easy to write but it is very demanding on resources on execution. It still floats (kinda) but the effort to keep it afloat isn't worth it. Best to let it sink.
Visual Basic programming language as a Big Fazeek
Original photo by ???

...fazeek is the physical manifastation of visual basic. Broken and keeps on looping --ChaosOverlord, on LordKaT IRC, (2011-01-08) 15:51:44 EST

Visual Basic BigFazeek Class by Tarkenfire


HTML isn’t really a programming language boat.
HTML is not a boat
Original photo by Flickr: Underwater Bicycle Racing ascendeddaniel

Wiki Markup

Wiki markup is synchronized swimming. Like HTML it really isn't a programming language boat. You aren't going to get very far with it, but travel is not the point. What matters is that everyone acts to be one small piece of a bigger whole. It can float as long as everyone pulls together. If it stops moving, it will end up sinking.
Synchronized Swimming
Original photo from WikiMedia Commons


There's a lot more to this, and it's all up for discussion. How would your favourite programming language fare in open waters?

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