I'm sick of web comics. Sure, they were cool back in the 90's. Taking old NES-era sprites and making them do stupid shit was a way to waste some time; but, this new generation of comics is ... well, horribly mutated - kind of like a female child that has three penises and no lower jaw: sure, it's fun to look at laugh at for a few seconds, but then it's just a sad situation.

Apparently seven generations of inbreeding has caused some seriously fucked up shit to evolve into existence.

Now, I could spend this entire article lambasting CTRL-ALT-DEL for being a big pile of steaming pedophilia shit, but attacking ignorant big names is better left to more intellectual big names. And, while I could attack decent human beings for not really having any sense of humor at all, let's face it: decent human beings are, well, decent. And I'm not, so that automatically disqualifies me.

So, instead of attacking people who haven't earned an attack, or attacking a pile of earth-rot that isn't worth the effort, I'd rather focus my efforts on people who really don't have a lick of talent to speak of: the other creators of webcomics who are not named Gabe, Tycho, or Tim.

First: The goal of reading is to read, not decipher digital squiggles made with a Wacom tablet. No matter how talented you are with MS Paint, you cannot write with it. For the love of god use the text tool; for example, compare that last strip with one that uses the text tool: sure, the second one still isn't funny and is just downright painful to look at, but at least the reader is able to accomplish its goal of reading.

Second, if you're going to create a storyline make sure the fucking thing makes sense. Heart attacks, ghosts eating heads, and a (god awful) joke about misspelling names does not a good storyline make.

Third, big, misshapen tits have been made fun of ad nauseum. Stop it.

Fourth, we killed Megaman in the 90's. He doesn't have any adventures left to take. Find another game's copyrights to violate, please. The same applies to Sonic, and Mario. Why don't any of you pretentious cocksuckers use Lolo, or some of the old Sierra On-Line *Quest characters?

Fifth, please attempt to make sense. Failing that, please attempt to actually be funny: "Pine Freshy Unfairness" is not a punchline.

Sixth, too much estrogen is a bad thing. On the same note, so is too much testosterone. Keep your hormones in check, fucknuggets.

Finally, if you already know that your comic isn't funny, can the piece of shit and try something else. If it wasn't funny the first time it's not going to be funny five years later.

Thank you.