Since I've been going back to the open-mic circuit in New York City my family and friends have had a lot of questions about what it's like, as if they're harboring some long-forgotten fantasy and would like to live is vicariously through me.
I've noticed a few myths that seem to perpetuate the minds of most of my friends when it comes to stand up comedy, and I'd like to bust that fucking bubble before someone asks me this shit again.
Nobody cares
The most important thing to remember about starting off in the open mic world is that nobody cares. The audience (which is actually composed of other comics) doesn't care. The host doesn't care. The owner of the club doesn't care.
When you're at an open mic, you're there to practice your material and get some more stage time under your belt. Get on the stage, get your five minutes over with, and get the fuck off.
Giggles are great
There's one universal truth to open mic nights - if you can get a rolling giggle going, then you're doing great. If you get a roaring laugh then you're either really lucky, or George motherfucking Carlin.
The point is: don't expect to kill at an open mic night.
You're not getting booked
I know, we've all heard stories about how such and such a comic got his break because of an open mic night. Believe me, unless you're the second coming of Richard Pryor, you're not going to get booked from an open mic set.
That doesn't mean you won't get noticed, however.
Protip: watch the host - if the host leaves, they're generally bored and will show up a few seconds before flashing you the light; however, if they stick around, theres a chance - a very small chance - that they dig your material, or that someone took notice of you.
It's not glamorous
I don't know who the hell started to perpetuate this myth, but they ought to be hit in the head with a steel dildo.
Doing open mic work isn't glamorous - you're going to be standing on stage at 5 o'clock in the afternoon, in a dark corner of the world, telling jokes to a room full of scumbag motherfuckers.