Minor Fame, Major Stress
As I sit here in front of my webcam with roughly 300 people watching my every move, I have to question: is this what it feels like to be famous? If so, I don't know if I'd want any part of it.
For the longest time I thought it would be pretty cool to be famous – to have an entourage of people by my side, fans watching and drooling over me, and an expendable income that rivals the GDP of a small nation. With the extremely small sampling of fame that I've received – namely, my live stream – I have to sit here and salute the famous persons in our culture, because I don't know if it's worth it.
I sit here typing this a somewhat humbled person. I have never understand the social stresses that other people may go through in their lives. Where before I was happy to sit here and promote my live stream, and even encouraged fan interaction, I now sit here unsure of my decision and unsure if I should even continue streaming.
The main reason isn't a lack of time or a lack desire to become successful. No, quite frankly, I now doubt myself.
During this short experiment, I've received a lot of feedback. Almost all of it negative. Yes, I've received words of encouragement from my fans (thank you guys) but on the whole my entire self image has been shattered.
The comments about me as a person do not end. You're too fat. Your hair is getting white. I think you're going bald. You breathe too heavy. Don't you have a girlfriend? You're a loser for living with your parents. Why can't you be funny? Until We Win sucks. You don't put any effort into your shows. Why is a no talent hack like you on ThatGuyWithTheGlasses?
It's a lot to deal with, and so I question keeping the live stream going. While it does earn me additional income through Google AdSense – sorely needed income, mind you – I just don't feel well, mentally, anymore.
Yeah, I know that sounds really weak. If you had told me a few months ago that someone felt “mentally unwell” I'd have laughed at you and told you to suck it up, but now, I just don't know.
So I write this to ask a question. I need to gauge your response versus how I feel.
Do you enjoy the live stream?